T+157     The Dinosaur Trail Part 1 - Richmond & Penny the Kronosaur

'So 'ere I am 'avin a nice kip when this geezer comes in, plonks 'imself outside me case and sits there just staring like. I'm thinkin' he's just a weirdo or his missus has slung him out of the caravan when - and cop this - he starts jabberin' on. 

He says he's Ian but call him Roon and that he wants to interview me!  Wants to know me mornin' glory like. Looks like a bleedin' fossil himself if you ask me. Now, I've been lying here quite happily since 1989 and nobody's said a dicky-bird to me. I've been prodded, sawn, chiselled, moulded and even super-glued but last time I had a natter with anyone was at the end of the Cretaceous.

So, I looks at the diary and next appointment isn't until the 41st century so what the 'ell, he looks like he's got a kind boat-race so I sez go for it Parky but watch out for the bleedin' mega-fauna emu, heh heh.

First up he wants to know what a nice Kronosaur like me is doin' in a place like this and how long  I've been 'ere.  I sez mate, 150 million years when this place was a great big ocean and I tell yer, I was theeeee man, the scariest, handsomest, baddest plesiosaur there's ever been. Terror of the ocean I was, a natural. 

So what happened to you?  Well, I just finished me kidney-punch , a nice crunchy mega great-white I recalls and suddenly I feels this nip on me right rear flipper and this giant squid scuttles off in a cloud of ink like. I thinks nutthin of it but turns out I'm done for, the little bleeders got me on the artery and its barney rubble for me and that's it - I'm brown bread.

So how was it lying around for 150 million years before you were dug up?
'Blink of an eye I sez. I was getting a bit stiff around the old flippers as you would, but all sorts of stuff goin on you know. Giant meteorites, massive volcanoes, ocean draining away like, never a dull moment. What's an epoch or two between mates eh? Problem was not being able to get that nasty itch on the old hooter after that lava flow pinned me down. Must be around 1 million BC, without Raquel Welch but seems like yesterday.'

Must have been a bit of a shock being dug up in 1980 he asks and what about being in a glass display case for the rest of eternity?
'Look mate, when you are as old as I am nutthin surprises you. And what a load of sediment off my mind it was. I mean just look at me, handsome and terrifying as ever.  And what's all this Penny business. Can't tell their arse from their elbow these scientists, cant't they tell a rob-roy from a twist and twirl? As for the next epoch I've just had my DNA taken by that Spielberg bloke so I reckon I'll be back out in the ol'pond before you knows it. Watch out - I'll be back.'

Oh, one more thing the annoyin' bloke sez just as I thought he was leavin' me in peace. What do I know of a Plesiosaur called Nessy rumoured to be living in in Scotland ?

Now, this time he's got me.  I sez that's not Nessy, that's Mable, me trouble and strife. Left me she did, said somethin' about our inland sea dryin' up and that she'd had a better offer from a Bronto up north. So, she actually made it and still goin eh? Brings a tear to me meat pie. Half-inched half me pension with her though, the Ol' reptile. Bit cornish pasty if you ask me.

Anyways this old geezer has tired me with all his ramblin on, so time for a quick kip for a millennium or two.

If you do fancy a chinwag and a King Lear or two, drop by Kronosaurus Corner in Richmond. 
It's a very pleasant little outback town with an excellent museum, good free camping, great fossiking friendly people - and cockney dinosaurs.  Come and have a butchers hook me old fruit.

⚽⚽⚽⚽½. Would have been 5 but for calling me an old fossil